A few days ago, I scrolled past a dear friend's post on Instagram. Her words stopped me because I needed to hear them. I thought perhaps you needed to hear them, too.
I am a great mom. (You must continue reading to see that is not a conceited sentence!)
Last week I was out with a few of my girlfriends and we started talking about parenting, being a mom, and how hard it is. One of my girlfriends then said she sucks at being a mom. Over and over in her head, she hears herself say she is inadequate and not doing a good job. Around the table we all chimed in agreement,
“ YA, I HEAR YOU. I SUCK AT BEING A MOM SOMETIMES TOO.”
I even said it. I said, “Yes, I often fall mega short at being a good mom.”
WHY? Why did I say that? That is not true. I do not believe that in my core. I immediately felt my heart tug at me. Why did you say that? You know you are a great mom. You pour your heart and sweat into that job.
Did I want to make her feel better? Did I want to conform to the group? Yes!
You know what, though?
THAT FRIEND IS AN EXCELLENT MOM.
AND SO WAS EVERY GIRL SITTING AT THAT TABLE.
We all love deeply our children and our husbands. We fight for our kids. We delay gratification in hopes to build little human beings that are not entitled. We set boundaries. We protect. We play. And we love.
I have had it with this idea of self-deprecation and false humility. There are no perfect mothers. We will make mistakes every day. But as long as we show up, work hard, and love hard, we are doing a dang great job.
So to my girlfriends around the table that evening - I apologize for being anything less than the powerful spirit inside of me. We are fabulous moms and we are going to bask in that sunshine. (written and posted by Abigail Irene Fisher)
As I sat on the couch, taking a few minutes for myself as the kids played outside, I read through my friend Abigail's post again. I remembered how a few weeks prior, I had taken an eight-hour mountain biking workshop here in Colorado.
Toward the end of the day, I was tired and overwhelmed. We were going down a hill that was mega-outside my comfort zone. It was steep, there were rocks in the way of where I wanted my tires to go, and the loose dirt and gravel taunted me with it's instability. When it was my turn and I rode my bike gingerly down, I froze and nearly fell. My coach asked me to go back up and start again.
Over and over, I tried, but I couldn't get over how hard and out of my comfort zone it put me.
It seemed dangerous and I pictured myself plummeting down the mountainside, bloody and injured.
The other girls were patiently waiting for me at the bottom, cheering me on. "They'd done it," I thought frustrated. "Why can't I?!"
As my sweet coach walked up to where I stood with my bike, one foot on a pedal, the other on the dusty ground, she said something profound. Not just something that got me down the hillside, but something that has stayed with me and I recite back to myself all the time in my day-to-day life:
"LOOK TO VICTORY."
"If your eyes are on the rocks and hard places, that's where you'll end up. And we both know the rubble and rocky ground is not your target. Look instead to where you want to be, look at your destination."
"WHERE YOUR EYES LOOK DIRECTS WHERE YOU GO"
"Look to victory!", she said again. "Look where you want to go and guess what...that's where you'll position yourself to be. You CAN do this...don't allow yourself to dwell on the crags and rocks. Look at the place you want your tires to roll over and that's where they'll roll."
And guess what? I did it. I forced my eyes away from the scary places that would take me from achieving my goal, and recited "look to victory!!" under my breath the whole way, as I hurried down the steep decent I thought I could never successfully make.
I think about this now as a mom. As a writer and creative. I have massive insecurities and fears I have to shove away a million times every day. But I'm learning to look to victory and set my sights on where I want to be instead.
If we allow ourselves to listen to the lie that we suck as moms, or are horrible in our careers, or will never be a good enough wife or friend...that's where we'll end up.
Look to victory, friends. Set your eyes on Christ and don't let lies of inadequacy and weakness dictate where you steer your day. And remember...